• Coaching tips
• Be prepared
• Infant Security
• Baby safety
• Sharing the care
• Family bond
• Legal matters

Coaching tips

"I Coached Mom" You may ask, "How do I become a labor coach?" It starts before having your baby. Use the techniques listed below to support and encourage her during labor. And by doing so you may be the best coach. Take this list with you to the hospital and refer to it often. Remember be interested and supportive of her pregnancy. Rent childbirth video’s, help prepare the baby’s nursery, choose a name together. Give her lots of TLC, she’s your most intimate friend. ~ Strong, self-reliant women do become dependent during pregnancy. This is a creation the two of you made together. Having a child and heir is nothing short of a miracle. The mother of your child has honored you with a gift of life—you couldn't have done without her. And she also honors you as the child will carry your name for the rest of its life. This is a right of passage for the both of you, but at the same time the most stressful, as you both adjust to parenthood. Remember, she is at her weakest, emotionally and strongest, physically. Do not take what she does or says personally during labor! You may be surprised to find that this is the most emotional day of your life.

• In labor, be a partner advocate; make her wishes known to the doctor, nurses, or midwife.
• Encourage her to rest or nap, but don’t nag her.
• Be aware of the need to use relaxation and breathing techniques.
• Give her your undivided attention, (turn off the TV) especially during contractions (no matter what the sports scores are).
• Hold her hand or stroke her face and say nothing.
• Re-evaluate coping strategies when she gets discouraged.
• Help her change positions.
• Assist her to the bathroom.
• Massage her back in a firm but gentle way.
• The breathing technique needs to begin at the very start of the contraction, don’t wait until the contractions under way to begin the breathing technique.

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Be prepared

Touring the birth room offers a level of comfort in preparing for the birth. The birth unit may offer tours, or you can call the hospital and arrange a tour. This is good to plan when pre-registering. Each medical center has different atmospheres and room arrangements. 

Getting to the hospital can be stressful. Be sure you know the best route to take. Ask a trusted neighbor to be "on-call" and keep the phone number for the cab company on hand in case you're not around. Try to postpone any travel plans during late pregnancy and just after the birth.

Vacation time works well for many new parents. It has become common for new fathers to stay in the hospital with mom after the baby is born. If vacation time is tight, save these days for when you bring mom and baby home from the hospital. Your wife will need you on the days when help is not available to her. In the hospital the nurses are there 24x7.  If mom-to-be has a cesarean delivery, she'll need more rest and support. Half-day vacations work well for many new parents. Muster-up as many helping hands as you can from family and friends during the first week at home.

Selecting the Baby's Doctor  needs to be considered before the baby is born, unless a stranger will be caring for your baby. Most hospitals will require your baby to be seen by a doctor after birth and every day mother and baby remain in the hospital. You may have to refer to your  insurance carrier for a recommendation, or you can ask the obstetrician or midwife, friends, or relatives for one. A pediatrician is a doctor specializing in babies.

You can make an appointment to meet with a prospective doctor. Make sure both of you participate when you go. This is a good thing for dads to do to attach to the baby prenatally.

Mostly you will decide if you are comfortable with the doctor. This is important because you will be at the baby’s doctor often over the next three years. You will see the doctor for all your baby’s childhood immunizations and also for the times the baby is sick. Selecting a doctor now, long before the baby is born, may give you reassurance and security if problems arise with the baby (e.g., prematurity or other unexpected situations). It’s always a kindly thought to remember the doctor and staff with goodies every now and then.

Infant security
I.D. bands are applied to mother, baby and sometimes the father after the birth. Security is an issue that is in the forefront of hospitals and most new parents minds. Hospitals go out of their way to protect babies. Having matching ID bands for mother and baby has proven to be successful in identifying babies to their mothers. Two bands are placed on baby and one band on the mother. All have matching numbers. Some hospitals will also have a band for dad, coach, or loved one; this may allow obtaining the baby from the nursery. With today’s technology, electronic security has been developed and some hospitals have installed electronic security devices on the maternity floor.

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Baby safety

Baby safety is something you may or may not have thought about. Up to now you only had to think about grown-ups. But, now your thinking has changed to include a little one too. One father told me he was in the car on the way to the home-improvement store when it dawned on him that the baby was in the house sleeping and his wife had gone shopping. 

• non-toxic paint  is the safest for the nursery crib and other furniture. Keep the room well ventilated during and after painting. 
• Add a smoke alarm in the nursery and check all alarms in your home. The manufacturer has included specific instructions to make certain they're working properly.
• Crib slats should be no more than 2 3/8" apart; a baby's head may become trapped in a larger opening. Always keep the sides of the crib up. Place the crib away from the windows.
• The crib mattress should fit snugly so that your baby cannot get caught between the mattress and the side of the crib. If you can fit more than two fingers between the mattress and the sides or ends of the crib, the mattress is too small and needs to be replaced.
• Bedding for the crib includes a flannel-backed, waterproof mattress cover, fitted sheets and a soft, full crib-size blanket. Avoid loose bedding, such as pillows.
• If you are buying a changing table, make sure it has a guard rail and a safety strap to help prevent falls. Never leave baby unattended, even for an instant.
• Keep strings and cords (such as those from a window blind) away from the crib.
• Never use plastic bags to protect the crib mattress.
• Install plastic covers on unused electrical outlets.

Infant car seats are required in every state. Learn how to install the car seat before you bring your baby home from the hospital. Follow both the manufacturer's and car manual instructions. Babies should be in a rear-facing position in the back seat until they weigh 20 pounds and are one year of age. For cars with air bags, babies should always be put in the back seat. In fact, the safest place in any car is in the back seat.

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Sharing the care

•  Bathing, holding, rocking, singing, diapering, and retrieving a hungry baby from the crib for a meal at the breast.
• Participate in conversations about your baby among family and friends. Share baby stories and photographs. Attend as many baby doctor visits as you can—and ask questions to learn more about your baby's growth and development.

Family bond

Intimacy may be the first thing on your mind. Men usually long to return to their pre-pregnant intimacy before women are ready. Couples may return to having sex once vaginal bleeding has stopped, the vagina has healed, and you are both ready. Some women are more ready then others and impassioned by their new status. While others may need a week of fore-play before they are ready, and some new mothers just feel over-touched by the close physical contact with the baby. Most doctors will want you to wait six weeks before resuming intercourse. Remember to protect yourself from becoming pregnant again. Can you imagine your wife returning from her six-week, post-partum check-up at the doctor's and announcing she's pregnant again! Breastfeeding is not a reliable source of birth control.

Baby Blues or post partum depression (a let-down or feelings of sadness) normally occurs a few days after birth. and may last for up to six weeks. Your wife may feel weepy or cry unexpectedly and may not be able to give a reason for crying. Your wife may feel like she is unable to cope with the new demands of motherhood. But keep in mind, your little one has little knowledge of the world around them. Babies only want to be fed and kept warm and dry. House keeping can always be put off for another day—I think I just began doing mine! If feelings of depression do not go away with adequate rest and nutrition, you need to tell your doctor, midwife, or nurse. But in my opinion, and from what I have witnessed over the years, most women’s expectation of themselves are high. Encourage your wife to lie down with your little one for a nap; skin-to-skin contact is comforting and soothing for all of you.

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Legal matters

Naming your baby should be an enjoyable thing to do—but not always. Trying to please you and your spouse and both sets of grandparent's is not always easy. It's not uncommon for parents-to-be to arrive in labor without a chosen name for the baby. This is the first legal detail that you will make for your baby. Naturally, you're going to give your baby the best name. Most children will take their father's sir name, but not always. You can give your baby any name you want. It may take months of mulling over names before your baby is born, but there is a perfect one for your baby. The hospital where you’re having the baby will take care of the filing of the birth certificate for you. It may take several weeks before the state capital returns the legal birth certificate to your county clerk’s office where you can obtain a copy for a small fee.

A Social Security number is required to claim a dependent on your own income taxes. Most hospitals now make applying for the Social Security easy: You simply check a box on the birth-certificate form— another reason to name the baby before leaving the hospital.

Last Will and Testaments are not what you're thinking about when having a baby.  But, as sad as it might be, in reality I can't think about a better time to address such an important issue that concerns your life and your new heir. Most of my patients don't want to think about their own death. I'm not an attorney, financial planner, or insurance advisor, but that is where I'd start.

Preparing for your child's future isn't complete until a will is in place  that clearly states your wishes, making the key decision about the people to whom you entrust your child's care. There needs to be two key people in place in order to take on this endeavor, an executor and guardian. Don't spring these responsibilities on someone; talk to your potential executor and guardian about your intentions. You may consider a couple of successors as well, in case your first choice is either unwilling or indisposed to take on the role if the time comes. Contact an estate planner.

 Saving & Investing can be set up by you or your investor. You can always open up a regular savings account or investment account and simply earmark it for your child's education. A step-up from this is a custodial account in your child's name using their social security number. 

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The End!